Picking Yourself Up When You Are Down - Why I have been quiet recently
I have been a bit quiet recently. I have been thinking a lot about writing, but my mind has seemed so worn out, I haven’t known where to start.
I have embarked on my YouTube journey, which I love. There’s something so rewarding about sharing my experiences with likeminded people, on the odd chance that I might improve someone’s life.
I have been busy creating content for my part-time job. I have felt more appreciated in my work there, now that I am beginning to understand things more.
I have had busy weeks and slow weeks with modelling. Nothing new there, I’m used to that heartache.
But what has been occupying my mind most recently, is personal, and I’m not quite ready to share it yet. However, I do want to share my experiences and how I have dealt with this overwhelming sadness. How I have picked myself up after feeling like the world kept pushing me down.
I know that might sound slightly dramatic. But I’m sure you can relate to that awful feeling of the universe being against you; or that you can’t catch a break; or that you keep being dealt the worst cards. Then when you think you’ve hit rock bottom and things couldn’t possibly get worse, they do.
Does that sound familiar?
The past couple of months for me have been up and down, but mostly flat. For me, the feeling of being flat is a different feeling to being down. Flat is numbness. Flat is shock. I had all these feelings and emotions coming over me, it felt overwhelming.
It’s not always appropriate to let your feelings out, for example in work situations or in some social situations. So I think my body chose to be numb instead. Which to be honest, was hard work. I struggled to fake a smile when I was out, I struggled, even more, to listen to peoples conversations. Often I found that I had completely missed what someone had just said to me, as they were staring blankly at me waiting for my response. My mind was elsewhere, but my problems were staying put.
I decided to shut myself off for a bit, while I came to terms with my feelings. I know this probably doesn’t sound like a great solution, but it’s what I did. I confided in my boyfriend, Alex, when I needed to. Personally, I think when you are going through something tough, stepping back and having some time for yourself to think about things can be beneficial. In my situation, I just needed to make sure I didn’t completely shut out my friends, as my friends are an amazing support. I just took some time alone for a while.
Another thing I was involved with during this time was a 6-week Winter Wellness Workshop, run by Kim at Studio PP. The workshop included a 1 and a half hour yoga & meditation class every Thursday night. This class every week was my escape from my worries. I was finally out of my head, my chest didn’t feel tight, I could relax and forget everything for a little while. Not only did it help me forget briefly, but it helped me appreciate the little things. The sounds, the smells and the feelings of that moment, when I was wrapped up on my yoga mat in a candlelit room, full of strangers, feeling 100% at ease. Meditation is amazing and doesn’t have to sound daunting. If you’re wanting to start, but not sure how, simply start by spending 5 minutes a day being mindful – be present in a moment, get rid of all distractions and listen to sounds, feel the breeze, smell all the smells.
One other habit that I adopted during this time was using a gratitude journal. When you’re feeling put down by the world, you’re feeling sorry for yourself, you feel like ‘life’s unfair’, it’s a good idea to step back and look at all the things you do have, and be grateful for your opportunities. So when I felt like the world was against me, I started writing in my gratitude journal before bed each night. Instead of going to sleep angry and sad, I was going to sleep grateful. Sometimes I was simply grateful for the roof over my head or the sunshine today. It’s that powerful.
Yes, sometimes things don’t always work out the way you want them to. Sometimes the world feels like it’s swallowing you up, you can’t catch a break, life’s unfair. But feeling sorry for yourself doesn’t make things any better, if anything, it makes things worse. Picking yourself up when you are down isn’t easy, but it’s necessary.